Catching up... 22 weeks

Sorry it has been quite awhile since my last post.  I am not a writer and it takes me weeks to motivate myself to even start a post!

I feel like a lot has happened in the last few weeks but let's start off where we left off. I had my first OB appointment at 10 weeks with my favorite OB ever! She was so excited that I am on another journey and I am happy to report that everything looked great.  She did another ultrasound and the baby was growing right on track which is always great news.  After the exam she ordered a nuchal translucency screening test which is a normal prenatal test that is often done during pregnancy between 11 and 13 weeks.  I had asked the baby's dads prior to the appointment if this was something they wanted to do and they said yes.  I did the exact same test with my own kids, at the very least its an extra chance to see the baby on ultrasound, and often times is covered by insurance.

Most of you know me quite well, and know that other than my family two of my great loves are running and donuts.  Of course the first question out of my mouth to the doctor once I heard that everything looked great was can I keep running and can I run two half marathons the next two weekends.  She is super supportive and knows that I will not push it so of course she said yes! Honestly I love running while pregnant because it's a chance to not push my body and to just enjoy the run and the race.  I have done a half marathon my last two pregnancies and had a great time so I knew it was something I wanted to do as long as the doctor approved it.  It's never a good idea to start a new physical activity when pregnant, however I had just run a marathon in October and kept up my mileage after so I knew that my body was capable of completing both races, and if it wasn't I was perfectly okay with stopping at any point. 

The first race I did was the Ocean City island to island half marathon.  I had never done this race before but was excited because the course was known to be flat! I finished in 2:05 which is about 20 min slower than my PR and 1 minute slower than my pregnant PR, however my PR was done at 18 weeks pregnant and running is much easier at that point.  Now normally I don't ever do two half marathons in a row but since I am pregnant and not pushing it I was excited that I could sign up for the Frederick half the weekend after finishing this one.  Since the OC one had no hills I wasn't sore at all and basically took off all week from working out to make sure that my body got all of the rest that it needed.  The Frederick half is a race that I have done repeatedly over the past few years. It's a great course and i really do love to run local races!  Normally the weather works out pretty well, but this year the start of the race was during a downpour and it basically rained on and off the entire race.  I cannot say that it was the best way to start a run but atleast it wasn't hot and humid, which is way worse.  I finished this race, which is pretty hilly, in 2:06 plus felt amazingly well afterwards!

OK well I started this blog entry weeks ago (see above) and then never seemed to find the time to finish it so I guess I will do that now.

Let me try to summarize everything that has happened since the races since that is where I left off, atleast up until July 8th.  Well update for the baby is that we had the 20 week anatomy ultrasound on June 20th and very clearly showed us that he is a boy!  He did show cysts on his brain but the doctor assured us that this can be a normal finding and that he had no indicators of anything else being wrong so he was not really worried. He did order whats called a cell free DNA test to make sure that it was not an indicator of Trisomy 18, but since this was the only indicator that he showed we felt pretty confident that Blueberry did not have this diagnosis.  Luckily the blood work came back quickly and it was all clear and it also confirmed that blueberry is in fact a boy!

At this point in pregnancy I was honestly feeling great! I was running and going to the gym almost every day and had no issues at all, well other than my varicose veins that always bother me. Honestly I think at this point I was taking for granted how great things seemed to be going and did not even realize what the next few weeks would hold.  My family went to the beach for a few days and really had a great time! We ate yummy food, ran on the boardwalk and of course had fun in the water!

Once we got back from our trip we had a fetal echocardiogram ordered for the baby on July 8th.  This is a test that is often times ordered with IVF pregnancies since it has been shown that IVF may increase the risk of cardiac issues.  I was not worried in the least and was so excited to have another look at Blueberry!  Welllll this is when the smooth pregnancy I was having kind of went downhill slightly.  I woke up that morning and tried to run at Orange Theory as I normally do but as soon as I started to jog for my warm up I began to feel really light headed, my vision felt like it was going black and my hearing felt off, I have never passed out but I assume thats what it would feel like.  I of course stopped since yes I do love working out, even when pregnant, but I will never push myself when I know there is a baby inside of me counting on me.  I felt better once I sat down and drove home and went back to bed. I figured it was just an off day.  Fast forward a few hours later as I was driving to my appointment I felt a gush, honestly TMI but after 4 births I thought maybe I just had to pee.  I stopped at my moms to use the bathroom and nope that is not what happened,  instead it was a fairly large amount of blood over my pants. Being a nurse I really did not freak out too much but did call my OB and had to borrow clothes from my mom. Thankfully I was on my way to my maternal fetal medicine doc anyways because honestly I did not like the answer I got from the medical assistant at my OB's office.  I think she was really underestimating how much blood there was saying it was dehydration or something like that. Let's just say if I was not going to my MFM anyways I would have insisted they see me.  It was pouring outside so I did not want to panic the dad that was driving to meet me so I texted the other dad just to let him know, it is so important to me to always keep the dad's updated of what is going on with their baby.  I finally get to the doctor's office and at this point I was starting to freak out a little because the bleeding was getting worse and it was way more than I was comfortable seeing. Luckily one of Blueberry's dads got there and we started the appointment.  In short the heart looked great, my cervix was long and closed which is great but I had a large blood clot over my cervix.  The good news is that my placenta was no where near there so it wasn't placenta previa, it was just a large clot that randomly decided to show up.  The doctor said if it was from running it would have happened immediately the last time I ran, which it didn't since I couldn't even run that day, he said sometimes these random things just happen.  The baby looked great and probably was unfazed from all everything went on, which is great but I was still worried.  We had a family trip to Niagara Falls and Great Wolf lodge that he said we could still go on if I took it easy but we decided it would be best to just stay home to relax here and not risk having an emergency away from home.  My kids were of course sad, as was I but we all wanted to put Blueberry first so made the best decision for him and his safety.  This issue of course meant no working out for two weeks and really meant sitting on the couch until the bleeding resolved and then taking it easy after that until the 2 week check on 7/22.  I was sad of course because I love working out but was hopeful that this would clear and all would be well at the next check.

Just to point out the positive I also want to say that the brain cysts were gone, which is what the doctor had thought would happen! We were obviously so glad to hear this!

I drove home to finish work and of course the bleeding got worse and I started to feel cramping so I called my OB and they said they would see me the next day.  I felt so much better that I would get checked again the next day.  Luckily that night the bleeding got better and the doctor I saw agreed with everything that MFM had said, so we were sure that we were doing everything correctly.

Fast forward two weeks and my bleeding had stopped after a few days and I felt great so I was very hopeful that the next check would show that the clot disappeared and that I would be cleared to resume my normal activities.  Well things did not go as planned and although Blueberry is now heads down, yay for the good news, the clot is still there. It is smaller which is great but it is still there keeping me from running and exercising and resuming my normal life.  The doctor did clear me for my trip to the beach next week but he did say to take it easy.  That means lots of sitting and perhaps a wheel chair if we decide to do anything with a lot of walking, like the Cape May Zoo, or just avoiding it completely.  As always we will all do whatever we have to do to keep this baby safe and happy and of course in my belly until atleast 38 or 39 weeks!

I won't lie I pretty much cried my entire way home and am really honestly sad about it.  I became a surrogate to help a family, which I am so excited to be doing and do not regret it even for a second, but what allowed me to easily do it  was that pregnancy is typically easy for me, I can usually maintain some sort of exercise until the end and just live my normal life. I also want to be clear that when I decided to be a surrogate that I knew the risks and I knew that things don't always go as planned but it still doesn't make things easy when they don't. For those of you that exercise consistently or run you may understand this sadness. Running is such a huge and important part of my life and it is what makes me feel so healthy and strong.  Not being able to run makes me feel tired and weaker and also means I shouldn't eat the donuts and delicious treats that I typically like to enjoy.  I really feel guilty about being sad about this since I really am truly so happy and grateful that Blueberry is healthy but I want to be honest about the process and this is honestly how I feel.  It truly sucks, and I need to come to terms with the fact that yes we are rechecking in two weeks on 8/5 but realistically I may still not be able to resume exercise at that point.  Dr Kramer luckily said he thinks it will either absorb or I will bleed it out of me, but he did not say what that will mean for my restrictions and honestly I was afraid to ask.  As I said I am so happy and relieved that Blueberry looks fantastic and doesn't seem bothered by this and I hope that it stays this way even if it means that I cannot resume my normal exercise but it is not easy on me or my family.  The goal in the end is a healthy baby being delivered to his two wonderful parents, and I am confident that we will make that happen, I just hope we have no more hiccups along the way and this clot disappears and I can get back to feeling healthy and strong. Plus in 2 weeks Blueberry's parents will get to see him on ultrasound again which is never a bad thing <3

To end on a good note, and to show that everything is 100% worth it... this is a picture of the beautiful Emily that I delivered in March of 2018. I am so grateful to have been matched with two wonderful sets of intended parents that I can truly maintain a relationship with after the journey.

Also a picture of watermelon because it is a current craving of mine!!!

Transfer Recap and Heartbeat!

So after I wrote the last blog entry I realized that I had not posted about the actual transfer.. oops.. sorry! I will blame early pregnancy brain, and just honestly being exhausted.

Our second embryo transfer was March 5th, and it went perfectly! Jeremy drove me down to VA where we stopped for lunch and then dropped off my luggage at my hotel.  Just like after the first transfer everyone thought that I would get better rest at a hotel than coming home, which honestly with 3 kids I am sure is true! We then went to meet the Dad's at the clinic for the actual transfer.  We all wore shirts that I made, and this time they were green for good luck. I also wore a pair of socks that I made hoping all of these little things would bring us the best of luck for this transfer day.  I mean honestly who knows if any of these good luck things actually bring real luck, but hey I am willing to try whatever it takes! 

After transfer the embryo's Dad's gave me a really sweet gift of Georgetown Cupcakes and Macaroons... YUM... pretty sure I ate all of it in one night, they were so so so delicious, especially the macaroons! I think I will be dreaming about those for a long time to come.  They also wrote me a really sweet and thoughtful card that meant way more to me than any gift could, and you all know how I love food!  

On our way back to the hotel we also stopped for McDonald's fries, because again it's supposed to be goodluck.  I rarely eat McDonald's fries,  however these were hot, fresh, and delicious so we all got our own Large... yep we each ate a Large Fry! 

After transfer we had to wait an entire 9 days for blood work, but it was well worth the wait since we got a positive. We did cheat and test early at home, and were so excited to watch all of the tests get progressively darker! Typically after a positive beta they will do a 2nd two days later, however this would have been a weekend so we had to wait until 4 days after; now that was a difficult wait.  The Beta should double within 48 hours and ours went from 134 to 812 so it was doubling every 36 hours which was amazing!  After two or three great betas clinics will typically order the ultrasounds, ours were scheduled for 4/3 and 4/11.  Again, it felt like another long wait until we would see the beautiful little heartbeat.  At this point I was not really having any symptoms which did worry me a little but I do also know that every pregnancy can be so different. 

On March 25th apparently this baby wanted to scare us.  I was having a great day until I went to the bathroom and had a small amount of spotting, now I had the same issue last pregnancy and I know it is normal but I still cannot help but to freak out just a little.  I called my nurse Jenn and she was amazing and worked it out so that we could go in for an ultrasound the very next day.  I am so grateful that she was able to do this because at least one of the baby's dads could go with me to make sure that everything was looking great.  They did warn us that at 5 weeks 5 days we most likely would not see a heartbeat and they were right but we did see a fetal pole and yolk sac and of course a small SCH (subchorionic hemorrhage) which was causing the bleeding.  For those of you that followed my last blog I had a much larger one at this same point in pregnancy so I was very glad to hear that this one was small.  I was still not running or exercising at this point, but was happy to be lazy a few more weeks just to keep this baby healthy, plus I can't deny that I have enjoyed sleeping in.  I felt really bad that the one Dad couldn't make it but also relieved that we were able to see that everything was measuring on track and looked great.  Around the time of the first ultrasound I also wanted to see if I could use my home doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat and I was amazed that I could.  Typically it is really difficult to find this early but I think after being a nurse, and with this being my 5th pregnancy it may be slightly easier for me, plus the dad's really loved receiving the video of the doppler where they could hear it for themselves so it was way worth the work of finding it.  

After this "extra" ultrasound we were able to proceed with the next two and I was happy to see that the SCH was disappearing and I had no more bleeding.  The next two ultrasounds were amazing, we all got to see the heartbeat, and hear it and we also got to see that everything was growing well! 

Since the baby was doing well I finally got to start running and exercising again, although I was taking it much slower and wasn't running any full marathons! I may have really been enjoying the relaxation but I was also missing the energy from my runs and was honestly missing how good I felt after working out.  I do have to say that after 5-6 weeks off my muscles did not feel so good after running that first 3 miles but otherwise I felt great and am so grateful that the baby's parents are supportive of my workouts as long as the doctor continues to approve it!  Since my running has been feeling so great (other than sore legs after the first few runs) I have signed up for the Ocean City half marathon on 4/27 (nice and flat) as well as the Frederick half on 5/5 which I run almost every year.  I am going to ask the doctor tomorrow at my first OB appointment if I am cleared to run these races however she has always been supportive of exercise in my past pregnancies (I've run a half marathon the past two) so I am assuming she will be supportive of this one as well.  If not I will not run and if she does approve, and I do run, I am fully okay with stopping when I need to, and drinking whenever and walking at every water stop.  That is the great thing about running races while pregnant, I feel like I can fully enjoy the race and how great I feel and not worry about the time at all! Running while pregnant is perhaps one of my favorite times to run, well minus the running with the exhaustion first trimester, haha! Here's one of my training run's with my girls!

After our second ultrasound we graduated to my OB, yay!!!!! Here is a picture of our amazing team at CCRM-VA, Dr. M and our nurse Jenn M.  They were really amazing during the entire process and you can tell that they both truly care about their patients <3 . The guys were also in this picture, however I want to maintain their privacy so I did edit them out.  Once we graduated from CCRM it was time to start weaning from medications, woohoo! This Thursday, we reach 10 weeks, I will have completely weaned off estrogen and progesterone since now the placenta should be taking over producing these hormones for my body and the baby.  

Here is all of the belly pics that were missing in the past few weeks since I have just been too tired to write a blog post... sorry I will try to be better going forward!  

As I said previously early on I did not have many symptoms although as I was getting closer to 9 weeks I started developing more fatigue and nausea with some food aversions.  Some days nothing sounds good to eat and when something does sound good it's really just carbs or sometimes protein.  Before this pregnancy I loved veggies and salad and I am really hoping that I gain back my love for vegetables soon, although for now I do force them in when I need to. 

I, of course, cannot have a blog post with some of the yummy treats that I have been snacking on recently. Of course donuts, and yes I did tell Jeremy one was for me and one was for the baby haha! Then there were these amazing cookies that I am now in love with and cannot stop eating, plus these other delicious snacks I found at food lion.  

When I get a treat the entire family gets a treat... First Jimmie Cone of the season! 

Happy Easter this past weekend to those that celebrate... here are two pictures of my family! 

Beta #1

I am sure everyone just wants to know what the results were so I will get right to the point... our first Beta was 134 and we are PREGNANT!  This is a great number and is higher than average for being 9dp5dt (9 days post 5 day transfer).  I will say that I was expecting it to be higher due to the how dark the home pregnancy tests have been, but you can't really determine a beta from a home test so I really shouldn't have assumed anything. Here is our first weekly bump pic!

The due date is 11/21 (Thanksgiving baby)! Next beta will be Monday, typically it's 2 days in between, however it is the weekend so we are being tortured for two extra days :-(

The intended parents and I have known since 4dpt which was Saturday, however they did not want me to share the news until today, which was perfectly understandable.  In the days after the first test and today we have gotten to gradually watch the beautiful test line get darker and darker, and will continue to do so for at least a few more days! Yes that means I will be throwing more money at Target to buy more tests. 

Of course a digital made it even more real while waiting for beta!

Plus I will have to buy more of this delicious ice cream to celebrate:-)

I am sure that you may be wondering if I have any symptoms yet and the answer is not really. I would say the only symptoms I have had has been on/off cramping and having to pee more often.  I guess I've also woken up starving for the past few mornings which I guess can count as a symptom as well :-) I love food so I don't always think of that as a symptom but for the sake of keeping track of symptoms I will count it!

The parents of this baby and I are so thrilled and excited for what lies ahead. We are all truly grateful for all of the support and positive vibes that everyone has been sending us. I have seriously had friends asking me every day how I feel and saying that they can't wait to hear how it went.  We are also grateful to be working with, and in my case for, such an amazing agency that has provided me so much support with coordinating absolutely everything that I have needed :-) 

If anyone has any questions along the way please let me know.. as I've said before I love to share about my journey and love to educate as many people as I can on what surrogacy is and how it can help build a family.  

I also wanted to share this sweet picture of Cody with our puppy, poor guy has been home sick for two days, although today I think he could have gone to school lol. 

Cycle #2

Since transfer #2 is Tuesday I thought I would give a quick update! Over the last two weeks I have had two monitoring appointments which include sonograms and bloodwork.  Last cycle I drove to the CCRM office for all of those appointments but luckily this cycle my amazing case manager worked it out so that I could go to Shady Grove Fertility Frederick which is 20 minutes away as opposed to the 1.5-2 hours it was taking me to get to Tysons corner.  I still had to do the lining check on 2/28 in VA but at least for two visits I was much closer to home. 

With my last journey Shady Grove Fertility was the clinic that my intended parents used so it was nice seeing familiar faces for these appointments and they were awesome and gave me a copy of my ultrasound report so that I could send it right over to CCRM!  On a side note the sonographer also recognized me because she has a side business where she does elective ultrasounds out of her house and she had done a gender ultrasound for me when I was pregnant with Cody. 

Many of you that are not familiar with surrogacy may be wondering what exactly it entails to get your body ready for an embryo transfer.  Well first let me say that every clinic is different and my protocol at CCRM is vastly different than my protocol was at SGF.  Ultimately with the right combination of estrogen and progesterone your body should do what it needs to but both of those medications come in different forms and can given different ways.  With SGF I had a lot more injections but with CCRM it's more pills and a few added medications such as aspirin and a steroid.  The goal before transfer is a lining of 8 millimeters, so really anything above an 8 is what clinics believe works best for embryo implantation. Below is some of the medications that I am currently taking, and yes one includes a large needle that goes into my glut muscle, luckily being a nurse I feel like I have an advantage with this one!

The first monitoring appointment, which is typically 3 weeks before transfer, was after I stopped birth control and was to check and make sure that my ovaries are quiet (the GC should not be ovulating) and to make sure that my lining started nice and thin before starting estrogen.  A week later I had my second ultrasound and bloodwork which was to check my hormone levels and to make sure that my body was responding to the estrogen and that my lining was getting thicker.  Last cycle mine was an 8 at this point this cycle it was a 9! In addition to the estrogen that the clinic had me start I have been drinking POM juice which is supposed to help lining as well.  I did check with the clinic to make sure that it was okay and they said that they had just been discussing the use of POM juice and were completely on board with me drinking it. At this point I was also told to increase my estrogen from 2x a day to 3x a day.  After a week of an increased dose I had my third and last lining check, last cycle it was about 10.5 and this cycle it got to 11.6.  Honestly after it gets to an 8 it is debatable as to whether it matters and there is a such thing as being too thick however I was still happy with my increase!  Once my blood test results came in transfer was confirmed for Tuesday 3/5, and we could all not be any more excited! Below is a picture of the POM juice that I have been drinking, I actually think its delicious, and the second picture of two of the good luck charms I have been wearing for this cycle. One is a beautiful necklace that Emily's parents gave me when she was born with her birthstone, and the other is a real 4 leaf clover that I got to match keychains that I got the two Dad's!

We are all very hopeful for this second transfer and are going to keep thinking positive!

One thing I haven't discussed this journey is the things that you do have to give up being a surrogate. Most of it honestly doesn't bother me since I know it's for good reason and when I'm carrying someone else's child I know that the things I do impact not only me and my family but another family as well.  The first thing I had to give up is alcohol, which honestly is not a big deal to me since I'm not a huge drinker.  The second thing is not something I gave up completely last cycle and not something I am asked to give up by the clinic, however this cycle I have chosen to give up caffeine 2 weeks before transfer.  For my last journey the clinic had asked me not to drink caffeine so I figure I will do everything that I possibly can to make this work which includes caffeine! I wouldn't say that I am addicted to caffeine but I do really enjoy a warm delicious latte or macchiato or even just coffee.  The fourth thing I have to give up is something my husband is not happy that I can't do but we won't even talk about that, haha! In the grand scheme of things it's a sacrifice the two of us can deal with.  The fifth thing I have to give up is being able to go on rides or do obstacle courses with my kids in the summer.  We have plans to go to the science center in Pittsburgh which has a fun ropes course and last time I went I was pregnant with Emily and couldn't do it and this time hopefully I'm pregnant with a new baby! The sixth thing I have to give up is probably the most difficult.  I cannot work out at all for at least a few weeks after transfer.  Anyone that knows me knows that this is the MOST difficult thing for me to give up since I work out every day and not only is it how I start each day but it makes me feel healthier and happier for the entire day.  Plus it gives me a reason to be able to eat donuts and ice cream haha!  As I said in the beginning all of these sacrifices are completely worth the end result and I am happy to skip out on all of them for as long as I need to!  Below is a picture after my last long run of this cycle, and yes I do really love running in the snow!

As we are approaching this second transfer my case manager booked me a hotel room for the night after transfer so that I can rest without having to care for the kids.  It's not mandatory but it is a nice way to know that I won't try to do too much that night, plus it's a night in a hotel without my kids so I'm not complaining, however I will say Jeremy is a little jealous!

Something that I think is very important to me for my journey as well as most surrogates is communication.  This entire process really is a team effort that includes both parents, myself and my family, the clinic, and of course my agency.  We all need to always stay on the same page so that things can get done when they need to and so that we can all feel that our needs are heard and met.  Now some surrogates and intended parents do go into a match with a more business like mind set where they don't want to have a lasting relationship and honestly if all parties are on the same page I think thats great, however it is not what I wanted.  I wanted a closer relationship where we would be more like family friends throughout the journey and after.  This does not mean that we will see each other every month but it does mean that we have a positive relationship and that if all goes well during the journey we do get to see each other after and our families have some sort of bond.  I was very lucky in my last journey that we maintained a great relationship throughout and that we still try to see each other on occasion.  Speaking of which I cannot believe that Emily will be 1 in two weeks, time really does fly when you're not caring for a new baby!  Not only was I lucky last journey but I am very lucky this journey as well and I have been matched with two wonderful future dad's, I can thank the amazing matching team with my agency for that :-) We talk multiple times a week and at times daily about everything surrogacy related as well as things going on in our own lives.  They are two of the sweetest and most down to earth guys that I know will make such amazing father's!  Speaking of which we are all going out for a double date night to sushi tonight so that I can eat it while I still can!  I forgot to even add sushi and lunch meat to the two things that I have to give up, however I don't really give up sushi I just don't eat the kinds with raw fish.  I did get a sub with lunch meat the other day so that I could enjoy it one last time for hopefully a long time, however I chose poorly with my bread :-(

If anyone ever has any questions please let me know.. I really do try to be very open about the entire process, I will update again after the transfer on Tuesday, please send all of your positive vibes and baby dust our way!